I Stopped Explaining Myself

I didn’t realize how tired I was until I noticed what I was doing all day long:

Explaining myself.

Not out loud, necessarily.

Just… constantly.

Like my brain was a customer service rep and I was the complaint.

If I was tired, I didn’t just feel tired — I had to justify it.

Well, I slept badly.
And I’ve had a lot on my plate.
And the kids have been a lot.
And I didn’t get a break yesterday either, so technically this is valid…

Like exhaustion needed a permission slip.

If I didn’t get something done, I didn’t just not do it — I built a case.

I was going to.
But then the day went sideways.
And then someone needed something.
And then I ran out of time.
And honestly, it’s because I’ve been overwhelmed lately, which I hate admitting, but…

Ma’am.

Who are we talking to?

Because the weird part is… no one asked.

No one was standing there like, “Explain why you’re human.”

But I lived like there was.

Like I had to pre-defend my feelings.
Pre-defend my pace.
Pre-defend my limits.

Even with tiny things.

I’d sit down for three minutes and my brain would immediately start explaining it:

I’m sitting because I’ve been on my feet all day.
And I’m still going to get up in a minute.
And I’m not being lazy — I’m just regrouping.

It was like my nervous system couldn’t rest unless it could prove it deserved to.

And here’s the part that makes me cringe a little:

I wasn’t just tired from doing things.

I was tired from defending myself while doing them.

That’s a whole second job.

An invisible one.

A full-time position called: Make Sure You’re Not Wrong For Existing.

And once I noticed it, it was everywhere.

So I tried something tiny.

Not a mindset shift with glitter.
Not an affirmation I didn’t believe.
Just… a small pause.

When I caught myself starting to explain, I stopped mid-sentence.

In my head, I mean.

Like:

I’m tired because—
Nope.

I didn’t do that because—
Also nope.

I need a minute because—
Still nope.

And then I just let the statement sit there.

Unprotected.
Unargued.
Not defended.

Just… true.

I’m tired.

I didn’t get to it.

I need a minute.

That was it.

And the first time I did this, it felt borderline illegal.

Like I’d just committed a crime called “having needs without a PowerPoint presentation.”

But here’s what happened:

Nothing.

No lightning bolt.
No shame police kicking down the door.
No one making a spreadsheet of my failures.

The world kept spinning.

And I felt… lighter.

Not because my life changed.

Because I wasn’t carrying the extra weight of constantly proving I deserved to feel what I felt.

I didn’t have to convince anyone.

Not my family.
Not some imaginary jury.
Not even myself.

I could just be a person having a day.

And for now, that feels like enough.